Why Unapologetically Isaiah?

I look at the face of the most incredible boy every day and think how did I get so lucky? What did I do to be rewarded with this perfect ball of love? He is happy and extremely friendly, wayyyyyy too inquisitive and just a source of light. His laugh and squeals are infectious. His love is pure and he freely gives it away. He sees the best in everyone. He is positive and upbeat. Maybe a little too much for some folks.

I can’t tell you how many adults are turned off by his behavior. Coming from the generation of “kids should be seen and not heard” or “spare the rod and spoil the child” isn’t helping our plight either. Kids are so innocent and the believe the best of us, see the best in us, that is until they have a reason to see otherwise. I hate it when mean attitudes are expressed towards him. Even then, he is forgiving and extends grace from a place of pure love. I think it’s because he wants to be loved so much and he hasn’t been tainted. I know that because I get it wrong… A LOT. After one of my recent “not so proud mommy” moment apologies he said “Mom, it’s okay. I love you very much and I didn’t even get mad cause you’re the duper best mommy in the whole wide world.” Duper is more than super, by the way. LeSigh… He gives me this grace all the time! While I need it, I never feel worthy of it. I don’t deserve it. I’m the adult. I should have my feelings and emotions in check. I shouldn’t dump all this crap on him or be so reactive. Which brings me to this point. Of all the people in the world who need grace, it is our special needs children. By no fault of their own they’ve been saddled with these circumstances. It would be so great if we could absorb some of that and compensate for them, knowing what we know. They are instead met with ridicule and judgment and are left trying to process what they have done wrong. The sad thing is they can’t control it. How terrible it must be for those who don’t have a Warrior Mom to fight for them. I got that form my friend Jenn. She is a true Warrior fighter mom. I can count how many times my son has been having a hard time in public and a person gave me a kind glance or offered to help me. It was one time. One time in five years. One time!! You can guess what the other people did. The stares, the angry faces. They were so bothered by a child who had the audacity to disturb their peace… while out in public. The truth is that he is simply incapable of managing his emotions sometimes. I even had one guy scoff as he walked past us and angrily asked “What’s wrong with him?”

Would it surprise you if I told you that Daycares and some schools feel this very way about our children. We have been harassed out of a preschool and told to not bring him back because they were not equipped to handle a child like that. One teacher even told us she had never met a child like Isaiah. Lie! Really lady! How long have you been teaching! Ten minutes? I hated that she treated him like an anomaly. Then there are the family members with little to no tolerance. Okay, okay… it can be a bit much at times. I admit that. But not all the time. It can wear a person out. (Raises hand) I’m not going to sit here and make my son out to be a walk in the park but he is freaking amazing! What I am setting out to do is to stake his claim on this earth as one worthy of love, respect and consideration regardless of the challenges he faces. To bring awareness to his disability but to also highlight his abilities. Yes he is loud. Loud and raucous. But the loudness is in response to something outside stimulating him and it is a response to pain and disruption to his brain. Can we consider that? Yes, his asking the same question or repeating himself the four hundredth time is annoying but it just hasn’t quite registered with him yet. And yes, and yes, and yes….! I could go on and on. I chose to call the blog Unapologetically Isaiah because we are not sorry. Not sorry for the conditions of ADHD, ODD, SPD or Anxiety Disorder. Not sorry for being overstimulated by lights or sounds or crowds, or you talking too loud, not sorry for being spooked when you didn’t think we shouldn’t be and not sorry for reacting to what looks like nothing to you but physically causes him pain. We are instead going to be brave and not hide but fight this thing head on. We’ll be taking all the services they will give us and taking no BS along the way. This is us speaking up, raising our hand. I’ll be the mom at the school doing my part but expecting the same from his teachers, clinicians and therapists. We are not miracle workers, but I know One. My son is a promise. His name is a promise! He has an expectation on his name! So we are not sorry. He survived hellish odds to get here. We are suited up so don’t count us out, don’t push us to the side, don’t tell us to leave so you’ll be more comfortable. We are staying right here and we won’t be apologizing. Sorry, not sorry!